I wonder...

Why life has to be so hard. I mean, why does life just seem to fall into place for some, and then not for others. I'm one of the others, in case you're wondering.

I mentioned that life isn't any where close to the way I pictured it would be by now. I am still dealing with the issues that caused my marriage to fall apart, trying to figure out what I want out of life, and now I'm in a relationship that's, let's say, less than perfect.

About 6 months ago, an old friend came back into my life. He and I had SO much in common, and still do. The last time I saw him, his marriage was ending. Now, he's married (happily) and mine has ended. We joked that our timing is off. We're still great friends, but honestly, I cannot see that anything more can come from that. One thing that I never want to be accused of is breaking up a happy home.

So a couple of weeks ago, another friend from my past made contact with me. She and I met when my ex was stationed near her and just kind of lost contact. It was so wonderful to have her back in my life. We got to talking about old times and old friends, and one of our old friends came up and I asked about him. He had been in a relationship and I thought he was moving shortly after I had moved. I was wrong. He still lived there and she told him about getting in touch with me. He did. And it felt so great to talk to him on the phone. Our friendship didn't skip a beat and we picked right up where we left off.

However, the dynamic is certainly different now. Before, I was married, so there was never any question about what could've been between us. It was strictly a close friendship. Now there's this weird bit of unspoken tension there. I used to tell him everything. And we have SO much in common it's crazy. But now it's different. He does have a gf and I have a bf, though, so it's not like either one of us is talking in that manner.

Well, both of my friends have basically ordered me to visit them. So, I've been convinced and plan to go visit next week, sans child. I figure I need to just get away by myself. Well, my bf knows about it and about him, he seems 'okay' with it all, but I think he's worried considering how mad I've been with him lately. My friend's gf is totally pissed about him spending any time with me. She's known about me, but now that I'm actually coming, not to mention that I'm no longer married, she's jealous and worried. So this will probably be interesting.

I will certainly blog again about this, as it's been heavy on my mind and my heart lately.