Pissed off...

Okay, so I haven't blogged in a while, I know. I started this whole thing to relieve some stress, and it was (ironically) my stress that kept me from blogging. Any who. My BF is in the Guard, and for the past year, has been jerked around about when drill is, when the 2 weeks would be, when he'd get his bonus and so on. It's been a complete nightmare for not only him, but for me since we live together. It would be different if we were just 'dating' and I didn't depend on him for money or shared responsibilities around the house. But I do. So it sucks. And this month has been the absolute worst so far. I am so angry right now. Yes, I know 'that's the military for ya' but it's not right. When he's committed several years to them, they at least owe him what is due. He was supposed to have his bonus 2 weeks ago, and guess what? Still doesn't have it. He did his 2 weeks of required annual training, and guess what? Now they're arguing over WHO should have to pay him! The unit or the detachment? Who cares - pay him and then argue over who to write it off to. This is absolutely putting us into a bind financially because this means he's not getting a paycheck from his regular job since he wasn't working for 2 weeks. Great, huh? We counted on them, just as they have to count on him. Only the issue of reliability seems to be one-sided. Any you know what else? He (BF) doesn't want to 'rock the boat' by complaining. Well, hmmm, how else will this get resolved? It makes me mad that he's not willing to go and fight for what should have been his already. Why isn't his responsibility to me, to our household and family, important enough? I know that I'm just angry, but money is the biggest cause of problems in relationships. He just doesn't seem to get it, though. And all I end up with is a bad headache, stomach ache and a bad attitude because I'm so stressed and pissed off. He gets mad at me for being mad, for thinking he shouldn't take their dumb ass explanations as the final call, that I think he needs to go raise hell until this is fixed. He thinks that what he's told is the way it is. Yeah, right. I've seen it too many times where someone higher up can make things happen. Of course he can't. But he needs to go to someone who can. That's just the way it works.

I hate worrying about money and whether or not I can pay my bills. I hate having to rely on him, much less any man, for this. I wish life were simpler and I wouldn't have to do this. Maybe someday, I won't. But at least if I do have to rely on someone, I wish he were more reliable, or willing to at least fight for what's his.