SO.PISSED.OFF.

That’s what I am right now.

I don’t understand how some women can actually get pregnant, carry their baby for 9 months, give birth and still have NO FUCKING CLUE what it means to be a mom.

I’m at my wits end with his dumb, bitch ass, ex. She has not only caused the kids to hurt and feel confused, she has caused trouble for us.

But what matters the most is the kids. She uses them as a pawn in her twisted, self centered world.

Today, she decided to pick the kids up from daycare before they had lunch. THEN she decides to call and ask my BF for money in order to feed them. Umm… hello? Dumb bitch? That’s what we pay daycare for! DO NOT take them if you are unable to care for them in every sense of the word.

Please understand that she has not contributed financially to their care. She hasn’t bought any food, clothing, diapers, shoes, hair cuts, medicine, etc. for them. She doesn’t contribute to day care. She doesn’t even have a place of her own because she cannot hold down a job for more than a few months, if we’re lucky.

Her whole life has been a never ending cycle of using other people. She uses people in every way imaginable: to give her money, to give her a roof over her head, pay for the car she drives, her car insurance, clothing, food, cigarettes, and her kids. She has often had a ‘sugar daddy’ to pay for things. So what does she have them do for her? She will get them to pay to have her nails done, buy her dinners out, clothes and shoes. NOT to buy diapers or things for the kids, or pay her bills, or gas. NO… that would be the sensible thing to do.

But that’s just it. She’s a user. She uses people up and then throws them away, or they throw her out. She’s done this her whole life. That’s why she doesn’t have family, or friends. That’s why she can’t keep a job. It’s never her fault. It’s always someone else’s.

She is a worthless piece of shit. She is self centered and only does what she wants. She never thinks about the future, especially about how things will affect the kids.

I dream for a day of change. A day where she realizes that she needs to grow up and stop expecting everyone else to support her lazy ass. She is wearing out her welcome everywhere she goes. I dream of a day when my BF realizes he is the only one trying to do the right thing. I wish he would stop trying to save her relationship with the kids, and protect her image in the kids’ eyes. They’re going to realize who she really is sooner or later. And if she doesn’t care enough to make the change and do better by them, why should he?

I dream of the day we can move away from here and not have to continually rearrange our lives around her. When we don’t have to wonder when or if she’ll see the kids, whether she even has a job, or who she’s bringing around the kids.

I dream of the day when I don’t have to see the disappointment on his son’s face about his mom. When she doesn’t make him feel second rate, un-loved, or un-important.

If only I could just say it plain and simple to her:

You have 2 choices in life:

Continue as you are. Become an example of what your kids never want to be. Worthless, unreliable, not worthy of respect, lazy, ignorant, and a user. Some day the kids will see you for your true colors if you continue down this path of self destruction. You’ll probably end up in a bad relationship, prostituting, or riding the roads with truckers. Either way, the kids will lose all respect for you since you don’t seem to respect yourself. They will learn not to trust you. They will worry about you, but will learn that every time they try to help it does no good. They will see you for the truly selfish person you are. You will lose their respect, and any chance at a relationship with them that you may have had at some point.

Take some time to make some major life changes. Stop relying on others for your happiness and financial support and learn to stand on your own two feet. Realize you need to love yourself, and respect yourself before anyone else will. Find a good job and keep it. Support yourself. Realize the most important thing we have are our kids. Try to be a good example of how they should live their lives. Contribute to their well-being, emotionally and financially. Show a genuine interest in their lives, learning and development. Help them become mature, smart, and well-adapted young people. By doing these things, you can form a relationship with them based on trust, respect, honesty, reliability and responsibility. Be the kind of person you want your kids to be. Be the kind of mom you always wanted to have.

Life isn’t always fair. And doing what is right isn’t always easy. Do the right thing. Ask, learn, grow. Find yourself, not destroy yourself.