Baby momma drama

I don't usually go on a venting/ranting spree about this subject, but I think I may just need to today. This is my personal refuge, my private place to let it all out.

My bf has been married twice, and has 1 kid from one lady (I use that term lightly; let's call her Cruella) and 2 kids from another lady (again, let's call this one Psycho).

He and Cruella had a kid while dating in high school. Long story short, Cruella hates my bf and they've had a difficult time getting along ever since. His visitation rights have been completely ignored and once he married Psycho, it went all down hill from there. Cruella hated Psycho, too (not that I blame her) and didn't want her kid to be around Psycho, so he went a few years without much contact.

Fast forward now. He and Psycho split (more on that later) and now, finally, Cruella will allow him to see his child. Well, sort of. She's put all sorts of conditions on it. And it's a very fine line he has to walk, but at least he's getting to see his child! I have talked to Cruella and I think we'll get along pretty good. She told me that she was just scared that I would be like Psycho and was very relieved to see that I am normal! Ha ha!

Now, back to Psycho. I gave her that nickname for a reason. This bitch is crazy, ya'll! And YES, I do mean as in the 'she needs to be on some meds' type of crazy. We never know if or when she'll take her meds, if she will have a job, or a place to stay, or show up to see the kids. She's the epitome of WT (that is White Trash for those who don't know). On top of her craziness, she is selfish, lazy, mean, and, well, just plain stupid. As a matter of fact, if you use a 'big word' around her, she gets mad and says you're trying to make her feel dumb. I'm thinking, "No bitch, you feel that way because you ARE dumb."

See, they were married for almost 10 years. And it was a very rocky marriage. He couldn't depend on her for anything. He would have to call her 10 times a day for various things: to make sure she wasn't sleeping and allowing their baby to run the house unattended; to make sure she hadn't caught the house on fire again; to make sure she had gone to pick their kids up from school; to make sure she went to work on time (if she had a job at that point). It was like she was a kid, too. Well, one day she just flipped. She took the kids and left. She took them to a homeless shelter about 3 hours away from here. Once he was finally able to get in touch with her, he convinced her to let him take the kids home; that they had no place in a shelter. So he's had custody of them ever since. Once the truth finally came out, she admitted that she had been having an emotional affair for weeks with a prisoner and was leaving him for the prisoner. Mind you, she told him this ex-con would be a better husband and father. I know you're wondering, what was he in prison for? Rape of a 13 year old girl; performing a satanic ritual on her; and more. But he's changed, she said. Yeah, right. You go ahead and test that theory alone and leave the kids out of it! She eventually realized the error in her ways, but the damage was done. He was done with her and there was no amount of convincing she could do to change his mind. She is allowed standard visitation with the kids, although my bf is very generous and willing to work around whatever her latest job schedule is.

Of course, that hasn't set well with her. She has made our life a living hell. From threatening to harm me; take the kids again; etc. She has tried every trick in the book to get him back; to get him to leave me. It hasn't worked and she is getting a little better at accepting the fact that he's done with her. But she still takes every opportunity she finds to cause trouble.

She is a user in the true sense of the word. She's a swindler. She rarely has a job longer than a few weeks before she quits or is fired. But it's never her fault. She thinks nothing of using men (and of course, sex) to get things. She sacrifices her dignity on almost a weekly basis to be taken to dinner, get a new pair of sandals, or get her nails done. She's even used men to take her and the kids to eat and a movie! She has no standards; she has no morals. She has taken the kids to the local homeless shelter to get toys for free so she wouldn't have to buy them. Her kid told me it was called 'the free store'. Now that's a shame.

Every time she is without a place to live, my bf's family helps her out by offering her a room. She has no friends or family left; she burns bridges everywhere she goes. But they still feel sorry for her, or that they owe her this much. Personally, I think it's a crutch and they are being victimized by her. She takes advantage of their generosity. They have given her money, food, gas, paid bills, and allow her to visit the kids in their home so she can stay involved in their lives. But for what? All this does is further enable her. It does nothing to make her want to change. Hell, if I could live for free, eat for free, and have people help me with my kids, I'd love that, too! I'd never leave!

Their youngest is way behind developmentally. She has not learned to go potty, so I've started the potty training. Their daughter also carried a blankie everywhere and I finally figured out a way to say good-bye blankie and we no longer have that issue. She isn't talking as much, or as well as she should be, so I work on that a lot, too. Attitude is an issue at this age with all kids, so we have behavioral issues to deal with, too. I feel like just when I'm starting to make some progress, Psycho comes along and causes us to stumble. She doesn't support any of this, and has even told her daughter she 'didn't have to go potty if she didn't want to.' Uh, I don't think so. You don't buy the diapers, I do! And everyone has to go potty. That's life! Deal, bitch.

Their son is an emotional wreck. He's been tormented by her for years; never knowing if he's going to have medicated, happy mommy; or un-medicated, mean mommy. He's been made into a pawn for her own personal agenda. He's been made to feel bad about himself, insecure, inadequate, and sometimes un-loved. He's a major introvert now, afraid of change and making new friends. He doesn't know how to do many things he should at his age, like ride a bike or tie his shoes. He's horrible in social situations. He has no clue how to just be a kid. We're finally starting to see him relax, open up more and smile. He's been laughing more and a lot happier. I'm trying to help him be more comfortable around new people and open to new experiences. I have tried to show him how change can be a good thing, and that it's going to be a factor in our lives forever.

Now, Psycho doesn't like this. She doesn't like that her kids not only like me, but they love me. After I first met the kids, my bf told me his son said he liked me because I'm normal. Wow! That's a big thing. They are happy at my house, with me and my daughter. They are thriving and doing good. As a mother, I can see how I might be jealous and somewhat mad, but I'd also be relieved and grateful.

I cannot relate to her. I hope I never do fully understand why she doesn't want to be a better mom. Why she's too selfish to realize that she causes them more harm than good. I don't know why she doesn't take some time to figure out what she wants in life. It seems like she's got some guilt about the kids, and that's when she starts asking to see them again. But I think she's overwhelmed and would really, truly be relieved if she didn't have to be responsible for kids ever again. I think it's too much for her. Motherhood isn't for everyone. And she's one of those who isn't good at it. Some people are natural born mommy's; nurturing and loving and caring. I would do anything for my kids. I think she would use her kids to do anything for her.

I had a long talk with my bf last night. He has tried for months to keep her involved and active in their lives. He's tried to show her the error of her ways. He's tried to make her want to be a better mommy; to go to counseling and take her meds. But I've contended all along that until she wants to do any of that, you're wasting your time and hers. Last night he said that he's finally coming to terms with that. That he's lowered his expectations of her and it's helped him be a lot calmer and less frustrated and angry.

I wondered when and if we'd ever get to this point, and I'm so happy! He now considers my opinion, and instead of just giving in to her ridiculous demands, he does the right thing for the kids. Now, the kids are happier with a more stable routine; I'm happier because I don't feel so un-involved and un-important; and he's happier because we're happier. Screw her. I don't give two shits if she's happy or not. It's not about her. It's about the kids. If she wants to start living her life right and doing what is right for the kids, then maybe I'll listen. Until then, back off bitch! I'm not going to allow you to mess with our happy.